they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
