i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
