Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
