This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
