we have pet lesbian snakes
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
