whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
