My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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