Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
