Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
