I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
