Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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