Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
