My balls are so social today.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
