her vagine was all disorganized.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This is the high leading the old right now
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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