Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
