I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize