never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
