I hope mine doesn't look like that
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
