I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
