I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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