I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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