just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
