We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
