I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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