Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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