For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize