i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So squirting runs in the family.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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