Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
