Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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