Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
