just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
