My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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