Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
