At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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