Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
