haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we made out on top of his cat.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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