I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
