So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
