Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize