Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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