Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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