smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
