Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
try to milk me bitch
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
