When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
