what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
