I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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