im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
