I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
