and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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