I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
