____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Randomize
