Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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