She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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