just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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