No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
