I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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