planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
