If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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