am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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