So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
