we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
