My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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