i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
