heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
