don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
