I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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