he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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