I wish I could teleport
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
