We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
