i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
