dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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