The maid of honor just puked.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
