I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
