please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
